Back again with another piece for Lots of Ideas. I was inspired on Father's Day to write this.
As my oldest nears the end of the 4-14 window I mention a bit later I thought it might be good to recap some of the lessons from the road I have on parenting. I'm seeing more and more of you on the timeline mention you have kids coming. Maybe some of this can be helpful.
Getting Old
As I scroll through my timeline, I'm noticing many of you are expecting your first or are just entering the journey that is parenting.
I was on a call with a founder just last week, and when the video turned on, he immediately said, "Wow, you're a lot older than I thought you'd be." (I took it as a compliment, actually.) I like to think working in crypto keeps me young, but three kids—13, 9, 6—have aged me (I have the gray hairs to prove it).
So on Father’s Day, it got me thinking: Thirteen years into this parenting thing, maybe I have some perspective worth sharing. Not because I've figured it all out—trust me, I haven't—but because I've lived through enough of it to see some patterns I think all parents could learn from.
So here are five things I wish someone had told me when I was staring at my firstborn, wondering what the hell I'd gotten myself into.
1. The 4-to-14 Window
I'm not sure where I first heard this advice, but it's stuck with me: you have a window of about 10 years to really make an impact on your kids.
Here's how it breaks down: when they're four or younger, you really can't reason with them. When they're 14 or older, you really can't reason with them.
That window between 4 and 14? That's your sweet spot. The math is there to support: Roughly 75% of all the time you'll spend with your kids will happen before they turn 12. Tim Urban's "The Tail End" shows how, after kids leave home, you might only see your parents a few dozen more times in your entire life.
The clock is ticking faster than you think.
If you're a young parent with toddlers, here's what I wish I'd known: be patient with them, be gentle, think through your responses. Their young minds aren't yet wired to reason through complex things, so try to have fun. I promise you will sleep again, someday.
Having lived through those early years and watching all three of my kids currently sit in this window of influence, I can tell you it matters.
On the flip side, if you're approaching the other end of that horizon like I am, brace yourself. My oldest is 13, and while I'm incredibly proud of him, I can see it happening in real time—he's starting to pull away, building his own social circle, forming his own opinions. Every day I get a clearer picture of what "around 14, you can't reason with them" actually means.
2. Teach Them Music
Music has defined me in ways I never expected. Growing up, I thought music would make me a rock star. Instead, it taught me two critical life lessons that have nothing to do with fame:
The ability to improvise. Things don't always go according to plan—in music or life. You need to adapt in the moment. In today's world, I'd argue the ability to improvise is as important as any skill you can develop.
Brain-scan studies show that when musicians improvise, they literally shut down their "inner critic"—that part of the brain that second-guesses everything—while firing up creativity centers. Learning to improvise rewires your brain to overcome fear of mistakes and think on your feet.
Even when you mess up, you have to keep playing. You can't let the band down. You miss beats, hit wrong notes, have off days—but you keep going. That's life in a nutshell.
Start around age 4 or 5 with piano—it sets a strong foundation by laying all the music out in front of you.
I never had a band growing up, so I decided to birth one. All three of my kids play—oldest is our drummer, middle handles bass, cello, and piano, and my youngest is just starting piano but screams so loud she's clearly going to be our singer.
Music doesn't just make them better musicians; it makes them better humans.
3. The Vast Majority of Children Survive
This advice targets helicopter parenting: What I take from that is you have to give kids freedom to fall down, to figure things out. Put your hand on a hot stove and you're only going to do that once—because you learned it was hot.
Be watchful, supportive, and aware of who they surround themselves with. But give them enough room to find themselves and learn lessons on their own.
I learned this lesson the hard way with martial arts. All three of them are in it, and early on when they got involved, I had concerns—are they going to get hurt? What's this going to be like watching my kids get thrown around?
But it's made them tough. Really tough. And as you'll see in point 4, learning how to fight, learning to be resilient—that matters. My helicopter parenting instincts were screaming, but I was wrong. Dead wrong. Sometimes the things that look scary from the outside are exactly what kids need to develop real strength.
The research backs this up: reasonable freedom creates emotionally healthier kids, while helicopter parenting increases anxiety and decreases self-reliance.
You have to give them enough space and latitude to learn from their mistakes, to understand how the world works, and to put those lessons into practice.
4. A Timeless Playbook
Here's where it gets interesting. This one comes from CT legend @rektdiomedes and when I read it, it struck me as a perfect playbook for young people—especially those approaching that 14-year-old threshold where they start to take flight.
I printed it out and put it on my oldest son's wall. He looks at it every day and takes it seriously:
https://x.com/rektdiomedes/status/1878483358918787580
At first glance, this might seem overly simplistic or even outdated. But think about it—these principles are timeless because they work. And I can see it working with my 13-year-old.
He trains mixed martial arts six days a week and it's made him strong. He gets challenged by bigger, stronger opponents regularly and keeps coming back.
He reads constantly—his favorite book is Shoe Dog (he's read it multiple times) and he's worked through the entire Ender's Game series (twice). He's working on the tan, though being a kid from the PNW makes that easier said than done.
He's a true capitalist and I have no doubt in his ability to build wealth (remember this is more than dollars, gold, and dog coins. Knowledge and experiences count here too). He's well-to-do, so we're looking at how we can get him more involved in our local community sharing his gifts with others. Giving back is not just donating money, your time is much more valuable (and scarce).
He's growing up in a world where the tough aren't the only ones that survive, but they're certainly the only ones that thrive. That list isn't just motivational—it's preparation for a world that rewards those who can handle adversity, communicate effectively, and create value.
What I love about this framework is how it balances personal development with service to others. It's not just about making yourself better—it's about using that strength to protect and serve something bigger than yourself, a common good.
At 13, right in that critical window where he can still hear me but is starting to form his own worldview, this gives him something concrete to aim for.
And honestly? It's pretty good advice for adults too.
5. The Days Are Long, But the Years Are Short
The Friday before Father's Day was my daughter's preschool graduation. She's my youngest at 6, and as I sat there watching these little kids in their caps and diplomas, it hit me—this would be the last one I'd attend as a parent.
But as someone who's spent almost 14 years parenting, here's what I know: it goes by fast. In markets you can exit a trade; in parenting you ride the position to expiration—so manage risk (your time) accordingly.
The days are long, but the years are short. Remember this especially on the hard days when you're exhausted and can't get a moment to yourself.
My daughter's preschool graduation book hit home: she loves her dad because I take her to the park, and I "have a very busy job."
As a self-confessed workaholic, that made me think about the trade-offs I've made.
I've worked incredibly hard—all for my family, to be a provider, to create the stability my parents didn't give me.
But there's a balance there. I'm still trying to find it. My hope is that as my daughter grows older, she doesn't look back and think dad's most redeeming quality was being "he has a very busy job."
What good is building their future if you're not present for it?
Conclusion
It's going to be harder than you think and faster than you expect. You're going to mess up—a lot.
The vast majority of children survive. Give them music, give them space to fall down, pay attention to that window when they hear you, and remember that all the work in the world doesn't matter if you're not present for the life you're building.
Make sure you're 100x long on your kids' future—and place those bets with your time in the right places.
The days are long, but the years are short. Don't let them pass you by. Make it count.
Peace,
Sov